Saturday, February 9, 2008

Bandicoot Biodiversity Hotspots

Bandies thrive just about anywhere, but there are certain ecosystems that are particularly favourable to this sub-species.

The big ones amongst these are (1) Organizations That Are Not Meritocracies like state owned banks, state run colleges, state organizations like RTO offices etc., (2) The Unorganized Sector like "house brokering", or house maintenance services like plumbing and electrical services and to a lesser extent (3) The Lower Echelons Of Just About Any Office.

The common thread in all these environments is that high quality performance is not a prerequisite for success and in most cases there is a lack of a defined or strictly implemented moral code and a framework of ethical behaviour.

In general, bandicoots are bottom feeders who, in their lives, have replaced ethics with greed and excellence with expedience.

Thus, you will find a bunch of bandicoots in a RTO premises who will promise to get you an international driving licence delivered at your doorstep without you even having to get behind a wheel. For a price, ofcourse.

Or, let's say you are looking for someone to fix a broken flush in your toilet. Chances are that you will end up having a close encounter with a Class A Bandicoot. He - it's usually a "he" - will not only make sure that he screws up the entire plumbing fairly well but will then force you to buy a whole bunch of useless accessories that he will collect a commission on from the hardware store. If you insist that you personally get the accessories then he'll hold you to ransom by dissappearing for a day or two leaving your toilet in a state of total disrepair. The bandicoot will stretch a two hour job into a two day marathon and make a mess of it. A bandicoot has no conception of a job well done. Its all about "how much can you hit this sucker for?". The helpless sucker being either you or yours truly or someone else just like you and me.

Ever tried renting an apartment in Madras? Wow! that really brings them on! They'll dawdle and they'll straggle. They'll lead you on endless wild-goose rides. They'll make you hang outside locked doors like forsaken puppies. They'll talk cock. They'll fart. They'll do just about everything but show you a house or an apartment that suits your purpose or budget. And if by some fabulous stroke of luck you do find a home, you will probably end up with three different bandies all claiming that he is the rightful recipient of the brokerage.

You are also certain to spot bandies in and around most offices. Here the diversity ratio is more equitable. The admin departments are particularly flush with bandies. Receptions and finance departments are also quite kind on bandy populations.

Well, I'm feeling kinda drained after reliving some of my tangles with bandies. But before signing off for the day, let me clarify that not all bandies are bad bandies. There are many that are quite lovable. I hope I'll eventually get a chance to introduce those too to you.

Have a great weekend and if you are a beer drinker have one on me - preferably a Cobra!

1 comment:

  1. Pity these bandies don't dig holes into the earth they burrow deep down into your pockets.

    Me has dis storee 2 tell..,

    Very recently the Karanataka government introduced renewing trade licenses at many places including the office of the Hotel Association. The bandicoots at the offices that were earlier issuing the license having sensed that this could dent their source of greater livelihood, have jumped into action and come out in February this year hoping to cash in from ignorant traders. Earlier they would wait till March to come out and harass...

    well, the bandies that they are am sure they would find new ways to harass for which they are so adept.